Angels in Our Midst

Today I needed angels. When Jeff woke up this morning, he informed me he had made a new decision. Sometime between lying on the bathroom floor the other night and being quiet and meek yesterday, he had arbitrarily decided this is too hard for me, for the kids, for him and had chosen to die. As a result of this new decision, he came to several other conclusions. For one, he decided the best way to die would be to refuse any nourishment, water, or medications which is why he fought us so hard last night.

He also refused to move from his bed today. He refused to receive any love. He refused to receive any light or anything that might sustain his life. It was a difficult day. I needed angels.
They came in the form of 5 young people who drove up from Provo last night. They are what I lovingly call "children of my heart." Many years ago when we lived in Florida, we opened our home to our children's friends. These particular friends of Jason were always welcome. They invaded our home almost every weekend. They made themselves comfortable and slept wherever they could find an empty spot on the floor in the living room. They raided the cupboards and cleaned out my refridgerator. And we loved them. We loved the joy, the laughter, the spunkiness, the individual personalities. Jeff loved them. He wrestled with them and played games with them. He gave them the "Chinese Spit Torture" He talked to them as real people, not just as pesky young teenagers. There was also an occasional rescue. They obeyed the rules of our home and knew that no matter what, they were welcomed and they were loved.

When these friends of my son heard what was going on with their friend Jeff, they hopped in a car and drove several hours just to say hi. When they got here this afternoon, the years melted away and even though their bodies are much larger and their voices deeper (well most of them), these young people became angels of light once again bringing laughter, joy, and love into our home.

I fed them strawberry crepes as I had so often in the past. I listened to them update me on their lives now and what their plans and dreams of the future are. We found joy in the memories of the past, and rejoiced in recognizing those bonds that were formed so long ago are as strong as ever.

They came in and visited with Jeff. Each in turn gave him a hug and told him how much they loved him. Jeff stayed in his room and listened through the open door as they laughed and wrestled and played. It took him back many years to another time and season. It was the medicine he needed today.

Before they left, they gave Jeff an even greater gift of faith and love as each in turn knelt beside his bed prayed for him. I have never before heard such sincere prayers of love, gratitude and desire. I knew how much they loved my husband because he loved them first. Their love filled our home with light. They were angels sent to me today on a day we needed them most. My gratitude for the gifts they gave us today is beyond anything I can describe in words.

They are gone now, but the energy of their laughter, joy, and love still fills the surrounding air. Jeff still has personal decisions to make. But he did eat a few bites of watermelon tonight. I rejoiced. I have told him what I want. I want for him to be one of God's miracles and choose to live so that he can share this message with others. But the choice has to be his. He has to want to live and continue to allow those of us who love him most to serve him as his body gets stronger. If not, I will honor his agency and do whatever he will allow me to do.

Tonight I am once again asking for prayers on Jeff's behalf. I am praying that he will know the will of God in his life and have the courage to follow through with whatever that will may be. At this point, I honestly do not know, but I do know that I believe in miracles. I was a witness to miracles today. The power of love is the greatest gift of all. Thank you God for sending angels to be in our midst today. Thank you Matt B, Matt V, Ryan, Mocha Joe, and Ellen. We love you.

Chris