Every once in awhile we will have a day that is extremely busy, well realatively speaking. Yesterday, for example we had visits from the physical therapist, the occupational therapist, my brother, and my sister and her husband. During those visits Jeff does not usually share a lot, but he listens very carefully and tries to make sense of what is going on around him. He is usally very cognative of who has come to visit and can sense the type of energy people bring in to the house with them.
After the physical therapist left, Jeff told me he liked her a lot. He could just tell that she is someone who is kind and can help him. He looks forward to her coming again. When the occupational therapist came, it was an older gentleman that surveyed our situation, asked a few pointed questions and then gave us the greatest advice on what has been an ongoing problem with my husband of the slippery buns. I think I posted once before about how difficult it is when Jeff starts sliding out of his lift chair. It has been a perplexing problem for me to figure out a safe way to get him back aright again. Well now we know how, and we have used the process several times in the last 2 days. How grateful I am for trained people who can help those of us who are novice at these types of situations make our lives just a little bit easier.
I was talking on line to my sister this morning and asked her how she felt seeing Jeff the way he is now. She said it was about what she expected so she wasn't really surprised. Then I asked her how her husband took in the situation. Her answer was very interesting to me. She reminded me that whenever her husband and my husband are together, they don't really do a lot of talking. There is just a very comfortable quiet. I think they get strength from each not by talking like women do, but in just being. Jeff's dad was like that too. There was never a need for a lot of words but there was still a connection.
I have decided just to celebrate my husband's need for quiet. Right now most of his energy is being used for his healing and strengthening his immune system, so it is fine for him to not do a whole lot of talking. He definitely lets me know when he needs something or when he is bored with the silence. Sometimes it takes me awhile to figure out exactly what he is needing from me because it isn't always real clear. But when I finally make the connection he gives me that crooked grin of his and lets me know that I have responded correctly to his needs.
Other times he gets in his trance type state and carries on rather loud conversations about the oddest things. The other night it was about being abducted by aliens. His 7 year old self was completely obsessed with the idea and would not let it go. We have decided not to bring that subject up again. Usually when he gets on these kind of kicks we just listen to him and delight in his sense of humor. It is just so interesting how the brain works. I definitely don't understand it. But I am getting somewhat used to the idea that for awhile it will be just fine for some days to be very quiet.
I think we all need times to let silence be ok. It helps build our strength for those days when more is required of us. I guess that is what I am doing a lot lately. Building strength for times to come in the future when my life will take me outside the walls of my home again. For now, I love our sanctuary. It is a healing place for me and my children as well as my husband.
Tomorrow will probably be a bit busier, both the energy therapist and the physical therapist are coming to visit. Jeff is looking forward to doing work in both areas. He knows that he is healing and welcomes any help he can get.
Me, I just appreciate all those who care enough to send cards and notes and to stop by for a visit. It makes me feel not quite so alone. I always read the posts and cards to Jeff. Sometimes they bring tears to his eyes, sometimes they make him grin. He always has deep appreciation and just tells me how good people are to him. He isn't able to respond back on his own right now and has a difficult time talking on the phone for more than a minute or so, but please know that your efforts are noted and appreciated much by both Jeff and I.
Any comments or questions are totally welcome. I can't guarantee how long it might take me to respond, but we are totally open to any feedback from this blog. It is meant to educate as well as update. It also keeps me looking for the good each day no matter how busy or quiet it may be.
Chris
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