Concerns

Today was a day of concern for me. Yesterday Jeff's eyes were bright and he was wide awake all day. It was a bit of a rough day emotionally at first, but turned out well. Today, Jeff never quite got in gear. I am not sure whether or not it has to do with some new medications I put him on last night, or if he was just tired from all the emotional stuff yesterday, or if there are new lesions forming.

I keep a pretty close watch on all aspects of his well being and I think I do a pretty good job of assessing what is going on. But the last couple of days transfers have been harder. I thought he was just giving me a hard time and maybe I wasn't paying close enough attention. But tonight he really wasn't aware of where his left leg was. That is a huge concern for me. As far as we have known, the lesions have always stayed in just the left hemisphere of his brain so it has been his right side that has been affected. I have been so grateful to have a strong left side when it comes to moving him from one place to another.

Tonight I am not sure what to think. The physical therapist is coming over tomorrow. I think I will have her do another assessment. Oh how I pray that he was just a bit tired today and that we are not losing his left side too. That would make this an even bigger challenge.

I am not going to put a lot of worry into this tonight, because there really isn't much I can do about it, but I will keep a close watch on what is happening. I do know that his immune system is getting stronger and that he does have more energy, but oh it is so hard to tell with the brain sometimes.

It was hard for me to write this tonight because I really want to keep this blog up beat and positive. But I also want it to be honest. Those who read my words need to trust that I am telling the truth about the situation and not just sugar coating it so that it appears to be something other than what it is.

Like I have said so many times, I do believe in miracles. I believe Jeff is healing. Every day we do the best we can to facilitate that healing without getting in the way by putting a lot of energy towards doubt, fear, and worry.

Tonight I am concerned, but not overly anxious. Whatever challenges may still be in our future will be just more opportunities for us to trust and to learn. My goodness, you would think we have learned just about all their is to learn. Obviously not. But that's ok, life is still good. There is still love and warmth and understanding.

Tomorrow will be a new day and I will be able to assess whether or not my concerns tonight have any merit. We'll see.

Chris