Today when our energy therapist came to work with Jeff, she looked at me and asked how I was doing. Obviously she had caught on immediately that I wasn't doing too great. To be honest, I awasn't exactly sure why I was having such a difficult day. I think part of it is almost a delayed response for me.
Every time there has been a crisis in my life, I have handled myself extremely well (ok well I have done the best I could under the circumstances). But it seems when the crisis is over and I know longer need to stay strong, I give myself permission to fall apart. For me it is a part of my nurturing instincts.
For years Jeff and I have had an agreement that only one of us can fall apart at a time. It was a pact we made when we had four little children. We figured they deserved at least one sane parent at all times. So for a long time, we kind of took turns having the crisis.
I guess today was my turn. Jeff has very much stabilized and in fact is doing extemely well. His eyes are brighter, his brain processing is better and he is very calm and sweet. Life has settled down into a steady routine. It's not necessarily easy, but for the most part, it isn't all that hard any more either.
Somehow my body must have gotten the signal that life has settled a bit and it was time to do some housecleaning by flushing out some of those emotions that have been running a bit rampant throughout my system the last several weeks.
I was grateful to have someone with me who helped me to release a lot of the buildup that I wasn't aware of until this morning. Ok, maybe I was aware that it was my turn to let go and release stuff, but you know what? I have tried so hard to stay positive and focus on the good things, that I didn't even want to acknowledge that maybe my body was trying to get my attention and let me know there really were some other emotions that have been hanging out.
So I listened to what my body was saying and I heard the words I was saying as I brought up my feelings of fear, discouragement, and being overwhelmed. But then I released all those feeling by using EFT. It was very freeing and I felt much better. I think it was important for me to experience the whole gamut of emotions, even the negative ones because they are a part of who I am as a human being. I have not tried to pretend or stuff my feelings, mostly I just have not given myself time to process them.
Jeff was very glad that I was doing some work for me. It is very important to him that I take care of myself too. In fact, I have another appointment on Tuesday to work specifically on some very old issues that have come to the surface and are presenting themselves to be healed. I am grateful for tools that make it possible to release old trauma in a safe and easy way without having to experience all the old pain again. I have found for me it is easiest to let my spirit be in charge of my healing rather than trying to push it. I can always tell when things are ready to surface and I am learning to welcome the process rather than dread it. It is nice to give myself permission to prepare to work through things in my own time and in my own way. It makes it very safe.
Years ago I learned that for me the very best way for me to get through any difficult situation is to feel my feelings to the fullest extent possible, express them in an appropriate way, and then let them go. So even thought there really was no crisis today it was time for me to just allow myself to finish the process. It felt very good.
Maybe tomorrow I can finish the process of organizing my closet.
Now that is crisis management
Chris
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