Gratitude

I have hesitated writing this post for almost a week. Not that I haven't felt gratitude deeply, but that I didn't want it to just be another treatment of thanksgiving because it is November and it should be the theme of the month.

For me gratitude is something I try to live every day of my life. I would write this same post in January, May or September. For me it has nothing to do with the time of year. It has everything to do with the state of my heart.

Several years ago I learned a very valuable lesson from one of my children. (Aren't they usually our greatest teachers?). It was during a very difficult time for our family. Jeff and I had both been given the diagnosis of having full blown AIDS, Jeff had also been told he had malignant melanoma that may or may not be able to be taken care of by surgery. Jeff's business was in serious trouble, we had declared bankruptcy and were in the process of losing the dream house we had built. I was extremely sick from the HIV drugs so the daily household responsibilities landed on the shoulders of my teenage children. Because of everything that had come to light as a result of the HIV diagnosis, Jeff's membership in the church was also on the line. We knew that he would probably be excommunicated and were just waiting for that to happen.

I do not write this down for anyone to feel sorry for us, or to stand as martyrs saying, look how bad we had it. More just the facts as we were living them at the time. As you can imagine it was extremely difficult on our children. One day when my daughter, who was a senior in high school at the time came home, I could tell she was not in good shape. I wanted desperately to help her, but I was in such a weakened state that mostly my presence just added to her despair. She didn't say a word to me, but went into her room and slammed her door. My heart just went out to her, so I said a silent prayer that her angels would help comfort her. A little while later she came out of her room full of sunshine and smiles. It was such a remarkable turnaround that I wanted to know what had happened. Her report was simple. She told me what a difficult day she had had and how when she went to her room, she knelt by the side of her bed to pour out her heart to her Father in Heaven. She began her prayer in the way she had been taught as a child, by saying "thank you". As she began to say the things she was thankful for, her heart began to change and she realized how grateful she was for many, many things. It did not change the trials we were going through at the time, it only changed her perspective.

At the time, this had a profound effect on me and I tried to begin implementing the same strategy in my own life. And it worked!! Now I understand it all has to do with vibration. The feelings of shame, fear, guilt, anger, apathy, and grief all have very low self-destructive vibrations that attract like feelings and darkness. On the other hand, feelings such as acceptance, courage, love, and joy all have very high vibrations that attract like feelings and light. When we are experiencing the feelings in the lower vibrations, we can change those feelings just by making a new choice and flipping an internal switch. The energy for that switch comes from feelings of gratitude. It is a very powerful emotion that can turn darkness into light, especially when the gratitude we feel involves the Savior and his love for us.

It is important that we allow ourselves to feel all of our emotions because they are a part part of our humanity. According to Christopher Westra author of "I Create Reality", we should call the "Negative Emotions" the "Teaching Emotions" for that is what they truly are. They are gifts to help us learn our lessons while in this existence. Anger, fear, and resentment let us know that we need to make changes. They let us know that our present beliefs and action aren't working for us.

These emotions can attract darkness into our lives, but the choice whether or not to stay there is ours. Lately as I have had opportunities to experience feelings of grief , fear, and anger, I follow a simple formula that helps me stay balanced emotionally.

1. I allow myself to feel to the fullest degree whatever feelings come up.
2. I recognize that they are tools for me to learn more about myself and seek to learn the lesson they are trying to teach me.
3. I express them in an approriate way (one that is not detrimental or damaging to others)
4. I let them go and accept the Savior's invitation to cast my burdens on him and let him take away the heavy, dark feelings.
As I follow this formula, my heart always fills with gratitude and I am filled with light again. It does not change the cirumstances, it only changes the perspective.

I choose to fill my life with light and with gratitude every day, not just one week in November. I could write pages and pages and pages of the things, the people, and the experiences that I am grateful for, but that is not the purpose of this particular post. Maybe on Thursday I will share with you some of the things on our gratitude list.

But for now, just know that I am grateful for the understanding I have of how important gratitude is in my life. It changes everything.

Chris