Receiving

Today was an awesome day for me, a busy day for Jeff. First the Home Health Care nurse came and showed me how to change the sheets on his hospital bed with him still in it. She also showed me some other tricks as well that were very much appreciated. Before she left, she made a comment that surprised me somewhat. She told me that I was somewhat of a saint for caring for my husband this way and that most people would have put him somewhere for others to care for him. I guess the reason that surprised me is because that never even crossed my mind, except for the night of the bathroom floor. But that would only be as a last resort. It never would be my first choice. I feel it a total honor to serve my sweetheart in this capacity.

After the nurse left, the physical therapist came for her last visit. She has been such a blessing to us, full of compassion and understanding. To be honest, Jeff hasn't done a whole lot of "physical therapy", but her visits have been wonderful for me. Last time she was here she told me that today's visit would be the last with their current orders. That made me a bit sad since she has been so helpful to me, but she suggested that I think about getting set up with hospice. I have to admit that the idea was a bit hard for me to accept at first because I equate hospice with death watch and I am not at that point.

I was then educated a little bit more about what hospice is all about and the services they offer. It made feel better to know that sometimes under hospice care, the patients actually do get better even though the services are more about comfort than recovery. To be honest, I have decided to receive all the help that is available to me.

It has been an interesting journey to learn how to be a receiver and let other people serve me. I have never minded being the one to serve, but I have just decided to let being on this end be ok too. In 1998 when Jeff and I were both so sick, I learned the value of allowing and receiving. There were wonderful Christlike people who made a huge impact on our family. The service rendered during that time is what makes those memories sweet.

This time is sweet too. There are so many caring people everywhere. I am grateful for my amazing family who have been so supportive of us. I am grateful for Jeff's family and their prayers and concern in our behalf. I am grateful to our friends all over the country who are concerned about us enough to read this blog and remember us in their prayers. I am grateful for the medical community who have so many kind, dedicated people that just want to help and give support in any way they can. I am grateful for the people in my church ward here in Boise who are reaching out to us even though they just met us. They have been wonderful too.

I got a call from the HIV clinic here in Boise yesterday informing me that they had a Thanksgiving basket for us, did we want it? In times past, I probably would have said, "no, we are fine thanks." The truth is we are fine, but I chose to receive the gift with graciousness. I truly believe that there is an abundance of anything we want in the universe and the best way to tap into that abundance is to allow ourselves to receive with gratitude whatever comes our way.

So I am open to receiving lots of help, support, kindness, cards and letters, phone calls. It helps me connect with the wonderful people in my life, both those who have had a personal impact as well as those I have only met electronically. We are all connected. This is a good feeling for me because for most of my life I felt like I was totally alone. I am not alone anymore. I like it. I think I will just be open to receiving whatever comes my way and then share as much as I am able.

Thank you all for being a part of my life.

Chris