The Breath of Life

I spent much of the day watching my husband just breathe. I was in awe that when something that each one of us does so automatically ceases, it will be the final indicator that he has moved forward on his journey. Most of the time his breathing was regular today but sometimes there would be long pauses between breaths and I would hold my own breath thinking that perhaps the end had finally come. But then he would take another breath and I would exhale.

When babies are born, that first cry fills their lungs with life giving oxygen, the breath of life. And now we wait for that breath of life to be extinguished.

As I sat with him watching his chest move up and down, I found myself in entrainment with his breathing. As he breathed in, I said "thank you for... " and as he breathed out I expanded on what I was grateful for.

It was a wonderful way to spend my time.

These are some of the thoughts I shared with him.

Thank you for loving me...I truly felt treasured by you
Thank you for choosing to spend your life with me.. I am honored to be your wife
Thank you for loving God more than you loved me...it made me feel safe in our marriage
Thank you for the gift of our children...your legacy of caring will live on in them
Thank you for allowing the Savior to heal your heart...by so doing you showed others the way
Thank you for giving me opportunities to learn how to forgive...it helped me know the Savior
Thank you for helping me stretch...I am learning to be more flexible
Thank you for teaching me how to love unconditionally...I no longer hold judgement for anyone
Thank you for helping me create a home filled with love...our doors are still open
Thank you for seeing in me far more than I saw of myself...When I look in the mirror now I know who I am
Thank you for always supporting me in my personal growth...you have always been my biggest fan
Thank you for listening to be chatter on and on and on...you made it safe for me to be myself
Thank you for learning how to listen to the cries of my wounded heart...you made it safe for me to heal
Thank you for caring enough about me to choose to move forward...I would never have sent you away, but I felt your love in the decision you made
Thank you for being my very best friend...I will cherish every memory

There are probably a thousand other things I could say thank you for, but you get the gist of how I am feeling tonight. As I said in an earlier post, gratitude is the emotion that will help us get through anything tough.

I am thinking tomorrow will probably bring a final conclusion. But for now I think he is content to just keep breathing, and I am fine just listening for that one last indicator that will define the disconnection of his spirit and body. Until then I will continue to tell him all the things I am grateful for. It is easy to do. But here is a suggestion for the readers of the blog. Don't wait until someone you love is on their deathbed before you tell them all the little things you are grateful for. The more gratitude we give on a daily basis, the more our lives are enriched now.

Chris