Celebration

When I was preparing the agenda for the services, it was not a difficult task to know who to ask to do prayers and music etc...but the one spot that I just couldn't decide was who to ask to share his life story. There were many who could have done an adequate job, but none of the names I came up with felt right. Finally I went inside and just asked Jeff who he wanted to do it. When I got the answer, it made total sense because it had to be me. I have known Jeff better nthan anyone and Jeff loves listening to me speak. We spoke together at Emily's funeral and Jeff knew that I would be fine doing this. So I put my name on the program to speak.

But when I woke up this morning I was really ticked off with my husband. I did not want to do what needed to be done this day. I especially did not want to be the one in front of everyone celebrating his life. It just seemed so wrong. Not that his life is not worth celebrating, but that the whole idea just seemed preposterous and it made me mad. So I decided to get back at him by doing something I know he would not be very happy about. Jeff never liked anyone making a fuss about his birthday. He would tolerate it if we did the cake thing, but he definatley did not ever want a party. So I decided to look at today as an opportunity to throw him a great big birthday party and invite all of his friends, something he just would not have approved of before. But he didn't have a choice. Feeling like I had some kind of power helped disipate my anger and give me the strength and energy to do what I needed to do.

When we got to the church, I spent a few minute alone with Jeff's body. I put his wedding ring on and my niece fixed his hair a little nicer. Then we greeted friends and family who had come to say good bye. I was delighted that so many people had come to honor Jeff and to help us celebrate his life.

When the time for the service began, I felt the prayers of many on my behalf and knew that I would be fine. There was a lovely opening prayer and then the congregation sang one of Jeff' favorite hymns "How Great Thou Art". I have been sitting by Jeff for years and listened as he put his whole heart and soul into praising God through music. If I had spiritual ears open to hearing, I am quite certain I heard him right next to me again. My heart leaped as we sang the words: "when Christ shall come with shouts of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart. Then I will bow in humble adoration and say My God how great thou art" I knew that for my sweet husband this was now a reality, not just a future event and I felt his joy.

My son Seth then shared his feelings about his dad and what it was like for them as children. I always made it a point to make daddy's homecoming the highlight of every day. The kids looked forward in total anticipation to that time. It did not matter how tired Jeff was, when he walked in the door, it was play time with his children. We all adored this time with their daddy.

As the kids got older, Seth remembered bringing his friends home and having his dad tackle them and wrestle them to the floor. His friends loved it and it became the tradition at our house that if Jeff was not home, there was an air of anticipation waiting for him because we all knew what would happen as soon as he walked in the door. It was such a fun time. Our children's friends adored Jeff.

Seth then talked about his feelings last week as we waited with Jeff to make his transition and he could just picture those on the other side waiting in anticipation for Jeff to come home and the party they would have there. There is no doubt that there are many there who adore Jeff too.

He ended his remarks by saying that now Jeff is the one that will have to do the waiting for the rest of us to come home. The anticipation is alreday there as is the adoration.

I appreciated his words so much. They gave me the strength to do what I needed to do. It was not as hard as I had aniticipated it might be. Actually talking about Jeff and celebrating him comes so naturally to me, that the reality of what we were doing did not really matter.

Tomorrow I will share the things I spoke about in celebrating my husband's life.

Before Jeff lost his ability to communicate, we discussed his wishes about what he wanted shared at his funeral. One thing that was very clear is that he wanted the truth told. Much of his life was spent in darkness with secrets that nearly destroyed all of us. He also wanted to share his testimony of the Savior. This was a difficult decision to make because traditionally at funerals you focus on all the good things and gloss over anything negative in a person's life. But this is NOT what Jeff wanted. So we came up with a plan and asked my sister to share some of the difficult things in Jeff's life so that those listening could truly understand his joy in having a Savior and the feelings of peace he has now.

Her subject was about choices and consequences. She read a post that Jeff wrote about 4 years ago to an email list he belonged to. In it, he told a very abreviated version of his story. It was right to the point and very powerful. I have to admit that even though I know everything about him and have heard him share his story many times, it was difficult even for me to hear these things spoken at his funeral because I could tell that there were some family members who were upset that any of these things should be shared publicly, especially in this setting. But this wasn't about them. It was about honoring Jeff's final wishes. His greatest desire has been for his family to understand him, the choices he has made in his life and to feel loved, honored, and respected by them. Those choices included having his struggles made public at his funeral. But it wasn't his struggles that were important, it was how those struggles led him to the Savior and the freedom and joy that he experienced as a result. That is the message of Jeff Dietzel's life. It is about hope in spite of struggle, faith intead of fear, and joy in spite of sorrow.

Following my sister's remarks, a dear friend of ours sang Jeff's favorite hymn, "I Stand All Amazed" It epitomizes how Jeff has felt about the Savior and what he did for him. It was a beautiful rendition.

The final remarks were made by our bishop. He spoke about the gifts that Jeff gave us. The gifts of hope, faith, friendship, and love. It was beautiful.

After the services were over we made our way to the cemetery. It was cold and icy. The family huddled together for warmth. The service was quick and to the point as his grave was dedicated. Then we rushed back to the warmth of our cars and to the dinner that had been prepared for us by kind women of the church.

The celebration continued throughout the evening. It has been interesting to me how Jeff's death has brought about so much healing for those who choose to let it. Jeff's life was the perfect example of how one person can make a difference.

The following is what I wrote to put on the program.

In our comings and goings of life we brush shoulders every day with myriads of people. Sometimes we might make a slight connection, a nod or a smile, but then we move forward in our busyness no better or no worse than before.

But every once in awhile we have an encounter with a soul that leaves in imprint on our heart and we are forever changed for the better. These souls are not celebrities or super heroes. They are ordinary people who somehow have the innate ability to reflect to us our own goodness and possibilities of greatness.

“We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” Mary Ann Williamson

The ones that change our lives are those whose inner light shines so brightly that it somehow connects us to our own inner light and that is how they make a difference.


Jeff Dietzel was one of those souls.

I loved celebrating his life and will continue to do so with this blog.

Chris



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