Cold Body

Today I had the privilege of dressing the body of my husband in preparation for his friends and associates to say goodbye on Monday. It was a body I have known intimately for over 27 years. The hands were very familiar to me. I recognized the freckles and the red hair. I knew the story behind each scar. But this was not my husband. It was only a shell that once held the essence of who he still is.

I welcomed the opportunity to do this one final act of service for him. My brother and sister-in-law assisted me in the dressing. I thought it was sweet how important it was for Paula to wash and press his clothes just right. She even thought about putting starch in the shirt because she knows how meticulous Jeff was about his clothes and hair. I told her I didn't think he would mind this time, but the thought was appreciated.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a blog entitled warm body that told how I still used his warmth to calm my troubled heart. Today, that body was cold and rubbery, but still I felt surrounded by his love just as I did before when his spirit gave his body life. It was a warm wonderful feeling that gave me assurance that no matter how difficult the coming days may be, we are somehow still connected. I do not need to understand how this all works, nor do I need to question it. I just need to continue to look for the daily miracles and I will find them.

I will continue to prepare my thoughts and my heart to say goodbye on Monday to that body I know so well. But I do not need to say goodbye to Jeff. Instead I will continue to celebrate his life and bask in the knowledge that even in death, he is making a difference. Many of the people reading this blog have been with us on this journey for weeks now and have shared with me precious memories and thoughts. Thank you for caring enough to share. It is making a difference for me

Some are just now joining us and perhaps are just now finding out that Jeff is no longer with us in physical form. Please know that we will miss Jeff, but this blog is about choices and opportunities to create lives of joy in spite of very difficult challenges. As I shared with someone tonight, it seems like the more difficult the situation became, the more I was given strength beyond my own capacity, both from an unseen realm and from angels on earth in the form of friends, family, and total strangers who cared enough to share something as simple as an electronic smile.

Jeff's body is now cold, but his warmth lingers on in my heart and in the hearts of anyone who knew him. It is totally appropriate to grieve, and we will. But the best way to honor Jeff is to be open to the possibility that his life can be a reflection of what can happen when someone chooses to accept the Savior's invitation to let His light heal the heart. Jeff was so filled with gratitude for the gift of peace that passeth all understanding, that he dedicated the last years of his life to sharing a message of hope.

His death is sad, but it is not a tragedy for in his passing many people have found truth and healing. His legacy will continue forward as more and more ordinary people choose to follow the same path of courage, faith, and hope.

As I continue to write this blog, I will share more of his story, his struggles as well as his triumphs. It is a story that needs to be shared with a world hungry for hope and healing. Before he died, he gave me permission, in fact insisted that I continue to publish the journey of the challenges we have faced as well as the lessons we have learned along the way. For the last few weeks of his life over and over again Jeff said that this is a time of healing. No doubt he will do his best to orchestrate what he can on the other side of the veil, our job is just to be open to the possibilities that healing is possible and you can create a life of joy.

Much love,

Chris