I almost hesitate to write what has been on my mind today because Jeff is still holding on and has not left us yet. Throughout this blog journey I have not wanted to put things prematurely, but have allowed the course of events to dictate the things that I write.
My children and I have been discussing funerals and memorial services and how Jeff would want to be honored. I know what some of his wishes are because I discussed them with him and will follow thru with those desires.
When we knew that his death was iminent we did make some preliminary arrangements and have the funeral scheduled for Monday, December 11 at 1:00 at the LDS church 13608 E 40th in the Spokane Valley. We have a public viewing scheduled for 11:30. But of course that is contingent on Jeff and the Lord's timetable. When we made those preliminary plans we did not realize the possiblity of Jeff holding on much longer. One of my children made a comment today about not wanting to have a "live viewing"
I do not mean to make light of the situation. I only want to share with you the reality we are facing right now and to keep people updated on what is happening here which is one of the purposes of this blog.
As I have contemplated the upcoming events, my mind wandered back to 2 1/2 years ago when we buried Emily. We actually had 2 services for her. First we had a traditional funeral and burial in Florida. The only immediate family we had with us was just our 2 sons. We were blown away by the number of people that came to honor our 21 year old daughter. People lined up all the way out the doors to pay their respect to us. There were many people we knew, but many, many more that we did not know, but who knew her and wanted us to know that she had made a difference in their lives. As grieving parents these words were sweet to our ears. We also received hundreds of cards of condolence. Most were store bought cards with canned words of sympathy sent from people who really did care, but had no idea what to say. I appreciated the effort and felt their concern and love for us. Again, the ones that meant the most were those that shared with us personal stories of how Emily had made a difference in their lives.
We also held a memorial service for her in Spokane so that our family and friends could have a chance to get to know who she was and to say goodbye. We had an interesting experience at the end of that memorial service, one that was not planned. After the closing prayer, Jeff and I went and stood by the back door and those who were in attendance lined up to share their love with us. Very few words were said, only heartfelt hugs and gratitude for us sharing with them the life of our daughter. It was a very sweet way to end a very difficult service.
Most people who have not experienced grief of their own are at a total loss of words. Their hearts ache for the loss, but do not know how to express it in a way that is meaningful. Some people are also afraid of saying the wrong thing because it may bring up more pain. Others are afraid that their own emotions might trigger more pain as well, so they try to hide what they are feeling in a masked effort to protect those who are grieving. Most people try to come up with words that somehow give comfort, without realizing those words usually just sound like hollow platitudes and are not comforting at all.
Looking back on that time, the things that were the most helpful were just the hugs, and "I cares". The words that meant the most to me were not words of comfort or belief. They were words of gratitude letting us know that our daughter made a difference in someone else's life.
I think that what Jeff and his family would like to know now, is that this ordinary man made a difference. As his wife and companion, I know what a difference he made, but I don't know that his children, mother, and siblings have any idea the impact that his life has made in the lives of so many. Jeff never wanted to be seen as a hero, but I think that if Jeff has the opportunity to attend his own funeral, which I think is a good possibility, I would hope that he would feel honored in knowing that somehow his life had a rippling effect in bringing light and hope to the world just because he was who he was a kind, sensitive man who cared enough to listen. Mostly he showed his love of the Savior by the joy he had in serving and how he treated others.
It is perfectly ok to grieve when Jeff Dietzel moves forward, but I was talking to a young woman tonight who has never even met Jeff, but was full of gratitude for his life. She told me that the impact he has had on her will extend for generations to come. Isn't that what we all want to know when our turn on earth is over, that we made a difference?
I would invite anyone who is reading this blog to post comments on the difference Jeff's life has made for them. In sharing these things we all are edified and uplifted and the ripple effect continues outward. Thank you Jeff for giving us this opportunity to share.
Chris
4 comments:
Chris there are no word to express my feeling of gratitude for what you and Jeff had brought to my family and me. I can share that Jeff taught me the greatest relationship I could ever work on is that relationship with my Lord and Savior. Heal the heart so hands and feet will follow Gods will.
Please tell Jeff I love him like a brother and I’ll see him in ever bit of progress I make.
Over 3 month sober…:O) Robin
As one goes through life, there are those other humans one sees on the way. Sometimes on a bus, in the airport, on the street. There, in those moments, we see the a brightness, an 'eyes open' energy or quality, and we respond. A greeting, a word or two, perhaps more, time permitting. We recognize and have contact with a companion in the 'way of life', some closeness that is not there with everyone we meet. I am reminded of the Sufi references to 'The Friend'. For me, Jeff was one of those connections.
Anyway, I met Jeff about a year ago and we never really had time for our contact to grow because of the health issues but what a delightful man. He was already missed here at Rings & Things and now will be more so.
Chris, Charla, Jason and Seth
Quite frankly, even those of us who have experienced loss and grief have difficulty in knowing what to say.
We love you - we are thankful to have known Jeff. We will continue to pray that you will all be enveloped by the sweet comfort that that the HOly Ghost can bring.
Love,
Russ and Wendy Bonham
Chris:
My heartfelt sympathies and prayers. Even though we know what death entails and are sometimes prepared for it, it does hurt.
What I learned from serving with Jeff was that there was nothing more important to him that his relationship with the Savior, Jesus Christ. And Jeff cherished and was grateful for that relationship and was also grateful for the trials, challenges, weaknesses and addictions that brought him to cry out the Savior's name that first sincere time.
May God bless and watch over you.
Elder Greg Stewart
Post a Comment