Seek and Ye Shall Find

I decided to take a few days off from everything and just celebrate the holidays. It was good for me to just take a step back and contimplate everything that has happened this year. It was exactly a year ago that my life was drastically changed because I was following a very simple invitation. Seek and ye shall find.

In October Jeff had gotten a sore throat that just didn't seem to want to go away. He then started to get sores in his mouth that progressed into his asophogus. He began seeing doctor after doctor to try and get some relief because it was so hard for him to get enough nutrition because eating and drinking was very difficult. I knew how much his immune system depended on nutrition, so I began to get alarmed.

As I watched him getting sicker and sicker, I found myself beginning to spiral downward into the fear that has been so familiar to me in the past. In many ways, I felt like we were totally inolved in addiction again even though that was not the case at all. But what was happening to me was a total feeling of helplessness. It caused me to go deep inside and begin searching for answers that would help both Jeff and me.

It was the last week of December 2005. I was reading my scriptures, trying to finish a goal I had set for myself. I had spent the first part of the morning pondering, questioning, wondering what more there was for me to learn. I knew that I did not like the way I had been feeling and was trying to once again feel the peace that I had come to know and appreciate so much.

This particular morning as I began reading, it was with an intensity of deep desire to find answers in the pages, like I had so many times before. I rememember almost devouring the words with an air of anticipation knowing that somewhere, somehow the answers I was seeking was at my fingertips. The particular theme of what I was reading was about the attributes of charity, the pure love of Christ. It was a familiar chapter I had read many times before. As I read these words: " pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love" It was as if the word energy flashed out at me in bold, almost neon invitation to pay attention and I knew that somehow the answers I had been seeking were encompassed in this one word. I hate to admit it, but my reaction to this blazen answer was not one filled with faith and gratitude. Instead it was almost incredulous and I looked up to the heavens and asked out loud "are you sure?"

One of the reasons I questioned the answer was that I wasn't quite sure how studying energy systems fit in with the gospel of Jesus Christ which I have built my life around. I was not unfamiliar with energy work. Jeff and I had been to see someone a couple of years before and I had been intrigued, but was a bit afraid of it because my image of what I thought of as energy work revolved around mystics and new age religion popular in the seventies which I knew was not in accordance with my belief system.

I kept reading.

A few pages later I read these words: "I exhort you, my brethren, that ye deny not the gifts of God, for they are many; and they come from the same God. And there are different ways that these gifts are administered; but it is the same God who worketh all in all; and they are given by the manifestations of the Spirit of God unto men, to profit them.

For behold, to one is given by the Spirit of God, that he may teach the word of wisdom;And to another, that he may teach the word of knowledge by the same Spirit;And to another, exceedingly great faith; and to another, the gifts of healing by the same Spirit;And again, to another, that he may work mighty miracles;And again, to another, the beholding of angels and ministering spirits;And all these gifts come by the Spirit of Christ; and they come unto every man severally, according as he will.And I would exhort you, my beloved brethren, that ye remember that every good gift cometh of Christ.And I would exhort you, my beloved brethren, that ye remember that he is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and that all these gifts of which I have spoken, which are spiritual, never will be done away, even as long as the world shall stand, only according to the unbelief of the children of men

It is hard to explain the feelings that coursed through my body in total affirmation that the words I was reading were true and were in absolute accordance with the Lord's plan for me. It was as if I was totally filled with an energy that radiated through my entire being and pulsated to my very core flushing out every remnant of fear and replacing it with not only peace, but also with the excitement that comes from knowing that something very significant was going to change in our lives and it was going to be awesome.

I called Jeff at work and told him I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. He was rather relieved to hear the change in my voice because my fear had not been helping him at all. When he asked me to elaborate I told him I was going to become an energy therapist. I really did not have any idea what that meant at the time, nor did I know how it would all play out. His response was that he would support whatever I wanted to do.

It was a lifechanging day for me. I forged forward and never once looked back. 2006 has by far been the most exciting, educational, energizing year of my life. It ended far different than anything I ever expected, and now I am once again facing a new year and a new life. But I know that the promises of God and his universe are sure. "Seek and ye will find". I am seeking. The answers are there. I am blessed.

Chris