I was visiting with a friend of mine at church today who lost her mother suddenly in October. She told me that she had been surprised how easily she handled everything that needed to be done for weeks on very little sleep, but about 6 weeks later her body shut down and she crashed. She is just now barely starting to function again.
This sounded oh so familiar to me. It has been such a strange experience to feel like I have been living in slow motion mostly just being an observer watching my body go through the motions of bare existence. For the last several weeks I have wondered where I disappeared to. I have written a few things here and there, but for the most part I have just been giving my body, mind, and spirit time to heal. I have spent some time visualizing my life as I want it to be while fully acknowledging that for now the most important thing I can do for myself is just continue allow things to flow in whatever natural course they may take.
This morning when I woke up, I realized I had slept all night long and felt familiar indications of my own lifesigns returning. It was a delicious very welcome feeling. I am still coughing a little and my voice is still rather hoarse, but I am hopeful that perhaps my body is finally rebounding.
I don't know what will happen tomorrow or the next day, or the next. No doubt there will be other days where functioning might come to a screetching halt. I am sure there will be many more times in the future when I will get news like I did the other day telling me that a friend of ours had suddenly passed away. Immediately I felt the pain of his wife as sharp as if it were my own again. Oh how my heart aches for what she is going to be going through once the shock wears off.
A few weeks ago, I took the suggestion of a dear friend of mine to read a book called "Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It is a delightful series of short essays written as an epiphany for each day of the year to assist women in discovering their authentic selves. It is about new beginnings and transforming with ease into becoming who we truly were meant to be.
I have to admit that when I first received the book I was glad that each day's essays were so short because that way I felt I could truly keep at least one commitment to myself to read the wisdom of each day. As I began to immerse myself in the messages, I felt stirrings of a deep longing in my heart for inner peace, not just a reprieve from the grief of all the losses I have experienced, but serenity in truly knowing myself.
I remember writing something profound for myself in the post I entitled "Clash of the Titans". It was something to the affect that the worse possible scenario was not that Jeff would die, but that he would die and I would remain the same person. Well I am not the same person, but I am now seeing the possibility that there is hope that as a direct result of everything I have experienced, I am finally remembering who I truly am.
When I take an inventory of the things I am grateful for, I realize I am a very rich woman indeed. I might have a few temporary cash flow limitations, but my heart overflows with gratefulness and I know that serenity is a gift that is my inheritance and available for the true seeker.
This day I choose to appreciate all that is good in my life. I choose to see the future as full of awesome opportunities to create joy. I choose to acknowledge that there will be many more moments of sorrow, sadness, and grief but I choose to see them as just that...moments.
I choose to live in the simple abundance that will bring me the joy I desire.
This is how I feel tonight. What a relief. I am now giving myself permission to go to bed and welcome what tomorrow will bring.
Chris
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If you find this blog inspiring, you can share it with a friend
This sounded oh so familiar to me. It has been such a strange experience to feel like I have been living in slow motion mostly just being an observer watching my body go through the motions of bare existence. For the last several weeks I have wondered where I disappeared to. I have written a few things here and there, but for the most part I have just been giving my body, mind, and spirit time to heal. I have spent some time visualizing my life as I want it to be while fully acknowledging that for now the most important thing I can do for myself is just continue allow things to flow in whatever natural course they may take.
This morning when I woke up, I realized I had slept all night long and felt familiar indications of my own lifesigns returning. It was a delicious very welcome feeling. I am still coughing a little and my voice is still rather hoarse, but I am hopeful that perhaps my body is finally rebounding.
I don't know what will happen tomorrow or the next day, or the next. No doubt there will be other days where functioning might come to a screetching halt. I am sure there will be many more times in the future when I will get news like I did the other day telling me that a friend of ours had suddenly passed away. Immediately I felt the pain of his wife as sharp as if it were my own again. Oh how my heart aches for what she is going to be going through once the shock wears off.
A few weeks ago, I took the suggestion of a dear friend of mine to read a book called "Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy by Sarah Ban Breathnach. It is a delightful series of short essays written as an epiphany for each day of the year to assist women in discovering their authentic selves. It is about new beginnings and transforming with ease into becoming who we truly were meant to be.
I have to admit that when I first received the book I was glad that each day's essays were so short because that way I felt I could truly keep at least one commitment to myself to read the wisdom of each day. As I began to immerse myself in the messages, I felt stirrings of a deep longing in my heart for inner peace, not just a reprieve from the grief of all the losses I have experienced, but serenity in truly knowing myself.
I remember writing something profound for myself in the post I entitled "Clash of the Titans". It was something to the affect that the worse possible scenario was not that Jeff would die, but that he would die and I would remain the same person. Well I am not the same person, but I am now seeing the possibility that there is hope that as a direct result of everything I have experienced, I am finally remembering who I truly am.
When I take an inventory of the things I am grateful for, I realize I am a very rich woman indeed. I might have a few temporary cash flow limitations, but my heart overflows with gratefulness and I know that serenity is a gift that is my inheritance and available for the true seeker.
This day I choose to appreciate all that is good in my life. I choose to see the future as full of awesome opportunities to create joy. I choose to acknowledge that there will be many more moments of sorrow, sadness, and grief but I choose to see them as just that...moments.
I choose to live in the simple abundance that will bring me the joy I desire.
This is how I feel tonight. What a relief. I am now giving myself permission to go to bed and welcome what tomorrow will bring.
Chris
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If you would like to email me directly: trueyouchris@gmail.com
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