Delight

Ok,

So I have decided it really is time to share again because it seems that the miracles are still continuing. Well, why wouldn't they? I had a very interesting experience in Sunday School today. The subject of the lesson was on likening the scriptures to ourselves. There were only a couple of verses that we even elaborated on, but somehow we all found a way to make them very personal.

Our discussion seemed to focus on how spouses can help each other and the question was asked how we can be of comfort to one another. The teacher admitted that sometimes it was difficult to him to know how to comfort his wife in a way that was really helpful. Others in the class shared similar sentiments, and of course my thoughts flashed back to the many times my sweet husband comforted me.

It was not something that came easily to him. He hated it when I cried and his natural instincts were to protect me and make everything all better. During the first years of our marriage, he would get very frustrated when I go t emotional because it made him feel somewhat helpless. In an effort to protect him from those kinds of feelings, I tried to shield him from my pain. It weakened us both because it wasn't safe to be emotionally honest with each other.

After we made the decision to become conscious in our marriage, we read several books together in an effort to understand our differences. One book that really gave us several aha's was "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus" . I began to understand Jeff's need for "cave time" and he acknowledged that sometimes I needed to talk and talk and talk in a way that helped me hear myself other times, I just needed to be held and allowed to cry.

I totally appreciate the efforts my husband made to squelch his own discomfort with my emotions and make it safe for me to release them in a healthy way. As he would hold me and allow me to just cry, he truly became my hero.

I kept my musings and memories private because as many other couples shared their experiences, I began to feel just a bit sorry for myself. With all the grieving I have experienced since Jeff's death, I think the thing I have missed the most is feeling the comfort of his arms when I cry.

It was all I could do to sit still in class as the discussion continued. The next point that was brought up was delighting in one another. Once again the teacher, whose wife wasn't present, admitted that he really wasn't quite sure how to "delight" in his spouse and asked for examples of what we thought that might mean.

Once again, sweet memories rushed into my head, but this time I raised my hand and shared that my husband often told me I was his entertainment. I guess there were others that could relate to this and I heard many chuckles. After I related this, I noticed the oddest sensation as my body began tingling with warmth and I could have sworn I heard my husband's voice whispering in my ear that I am still am his entertainment.

Now I don't know for sure that this is what happened. Maybe it was just a really strange hot flash and my imagination bringing the memories to life, but I couldn't stop the tears, in fact they are falling again as I write this.

It's been over 2 years and though I am not in deep mourning any longer, I do still miss him, but I choose to think that somehow he still finds delight in who I am and is glad that I am moving forward in my life.

Delight is a delightful thing to experience.

If you would like to email me directly: trueyouchris@gmail.com