Celebrating All

I just wanted to report on an experience I had last week in celebrating. Since this blog is still called Miracles with Jeff, it is totally appropriate for me to report the events of my life.First of all , I am now a full time student at Boise State University and loving it. I have especially enjoyed my weekend workshops, the first was on death and dying. The one I finished today was on the power of positive thinking. Both classes helped me once again realize how much I have to be grateful for and how much I truly do have to celebrate.

But what I wanted to report today really has to do with the miracles in my life that are continuing in truly amazing ways.

About the time Jeff got sick, my life slowly began draining away. At this time last year I weighed 85 pounds at the most. I was once again in the hospital. This time a very painful blockage had sent me back to the emergency room. A CT scan showed a mass in my intestines. Not knowing what it was the only possible solution was to remove the part of the colon that was affected. Luckily the mass was nothing more than my body trying to slough off all the scar tissue that had built up, so the fear of cancer was aleaviated, but I was left with a new companion. True to my nature I decided to just try to make the best of it. One way I did this was to actually give names to my new "family". I called my stoma (the part of my intestines that now portrudes from my abdomen) Baby Roo because I now wear a pouch which I also named after another favorite childhood companion. Winne seemed to be a totally appropriate name because it is full of "poo". I don't mean to make light of the situation, but it is a way I can discreetly discuss delicate issues in a way that those who know can get the gist of what I am talking about.

Besides getting used to Winnie and Roo, one of my biggest challenges after having a major surgery was to get up an move. I rejoiced when I was able to walk around the hospital floor by myself for the first time. I remember thinking how ironic it was because at the same time I was celebrating such a small victory, thousands of women were celebrating together a few miles away in Boise’s annual fitness celebration. How I longed to be joined with them, but at that point even thinking about it was exhausting, but a seed of hope was planted. After 10 days, I was sent home with a 24h hour feedbag and an entirely new lifestyle.

As time progressed, I got stronger and began to regain all of the muscle that had atrophied. I don’t know for sure when I challenged myself to run the 5k at the celebration this year, but somewhere it was always in the back of my mind. I began by just walking and then progressed to picking up the pace a little. I didn't have any specific goals, but just pushed myself a little harder each day and was thrilled a few months ago when I actually ran a full mile.

A few months ago I was introduced to a different type of footwear and a form of running called chi running. After careful study and going to the only place I Boise that sells this particular type of foot covering, I ordered a pair of Vibram Five Fingers and have been wearing them pretty much every day since then. I didn't really do any intensive training, but have been taking a water aerobics class on Tuesdays and Thursdays and every once in awhile I would go outside and move my body. I told my brother, Myron that maybe I was in training to run a 5 K, but it was more a dream than anything else. But a few weeks ago I got an invitation to join the True You Team and decided to sign up for it, figuring even though I had never pushed myself past running a mile, I would just go and have fun celebrating fitness with a bunch of other women.

On the day of the celebration. I had a class at noon, so I decided to park at the school assuming there would be some kind of transportation to the downtown starting point. I was wrong. So I chose just to hoof the 2 miles to the starting line. About half way there, Winnie started acting out. ( I won't go into the details here, but when Winnie and I have a fight, Winnie ALWAYS wins)I was not prepared to deal with demands that refused to be ignored, so I turned around and went back to the car. Luckily I had the supplies I needed and was able to take care of the situation, glad that my shirt was very long and covered up the tale tale signs of my earlier struggles with my companion. By then, it was past the time we were supposed to be at the starting line, so I had a choice to make. I could either just chuck the whole idea and use the time to study, or I could proceed on with my plans to participate in something that was really important to me. I decided to go ahead and go back towards the starting line, figuring that since the path I needed to take to get to the starting point was along the race course, at some point I would just jump in and join those in my assigned group.

What I didn't count on was that even though I was later than I had anticipated, my wave was the last to go, so I got to my starting point just about the time that my wave started. By that time I had already walked about 4 miles in order to participate in a 5 K (which is about 3.1 miles). I was determined to just see if I could use what I had been learning, so when they took down the barriers for the purple wave, I just started running, well it was more a slow jog...some of the speed walkers were much faster, but it was more than just walking.

I was quite surprised that I wasn't really all that tired considering my earlier adventures, but I just concentrated on breathing and being fully aware of my body, pulling strength and chi energy from the core rather than my muscles. At one point, as I was trying to get into a better position I stumbled and fell onto my outstretched hands that still had the scabs from the last time I went running and hit the pavement (literally). I sat there for a minute and did a quick body check. To my surprise, nothing hurt. A couple of girls were right behind me and stopped to see if I was ok. I jumped up and said "Yep" and took off again. At some point I noticed I was no longer with the majority of the purple walking wave, but was beginning to pass the blues and some yellows (the timed walkers). My goal was to see if I could catch up with Deena and her girls who were in the blue wave. I never did see them, but along the way I saw other women I knew. After a short chat, I would wave goodbye and take off again. I was really surprised that even the hill that we went up was not daunting to me. By the time I got to the water station about 2/3 of the way, I could see the finish line and I knew I could do it so I just kept going. I still wasn't very fast, but I was perfectly fine going at my slow and steady pace.

As I turned the corner and started down the last half mile, I could see the men in tuxedos and shorts giving high fives to everyone who had gotten that far. That is when the tears started, not because I was in pain, but because I truly was celebrating something much more profound than just completing a 5 k jog.

As the hospital memories entered my mind, I got an amazing boost of strength and picked up my pace. I slapped the hands of many who were just telling me "good job" like they were telling everyone else who had reached the goal. No one but me had any idea of what I was celebrating. It was so much more than just a 5k run on Sept 25, 2009...it was a celebration of my body, my life, and all the miracles that have happened in the last few years. After I did the high five thing with the last man on tuxedor row. I automatically gave two more high fives to unseen hands that I knew were lifted to congratulate me and tell me how proud they were that I had chosen to stay in my body and finish my work on the earth.

I looked around at the thousands of other women who were completing the same course that I had, and even though, I did not recognize anyone I knew and never even met up with my team, I rejoiced in their accomplishments too. As I stood in line to get the promised breakfast, still a little overcome by what had just happened to me, a woman I did not know approached me. She said she had been watching me from above and knew there was something very significant happening to me because she saw my tears and weren't sure if they were tears of joy or pain and wanted to make sure I was ok. It was hard to put into words the culmination of not just an incredible year, but such gratitude for everything in my life. She didn't need the whole story, so I just told her I was celebrating far more than a finish line. In fact in many ways, I felt like this is a brand new beginning. Of what...I'm not sure

I then had to walk another mile and a half to get back to the university, but luckily I had a locker, towels, and clean clothes, so I showered and prepared myself to go to class. One of the things we had been asked to do was to bring something visual to deomonstrate to our classmates what dreams we cherished. I had already decided to share my intention list, but I also took my “shine out loud” t-shirt, as dirty and smelly as it was. When I stood up in front of the class to report my feelings, I was very emotional. I briefly shared with them my journey and then held up my shirt and did a sort of victory dance.

As I am writing this it is hard to put into words how grateful I am for the miracles in my life. When we finished the class today we each were invited to write something on the board describing what we got out of the class and what we plan on doing now.

I wrote in great big words I AM ALIVE!!! I am a positive, peaceful, powerful force for good. I love my life!!!

Thanks for sharing my journey.

Chris
If you would like to email me directly: trueyouchris@gmail.com