This blog is intended to allow others to share in a continuing journey of faith, hope, and the creation of joy. It is a real life adventure that has no script, nothing edited out, and no ending.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Concetta Goodenough
When Jeff and I served in the addiction recovery program we found that the root of every addiction was a core belief that “I am not good enough”
When I was at the Soul Purpose Intensive last week we were taught what is called the cycle of belief.
It begins by stating that the beliefs that we have (especially about ourselves) are either empowering or limiting. Next we discussed our potential. We all have unlimited potential, but depending on whether or now our beliefs are empowering or limiting will make us more powerful to achieve our potential or power-less.
The way we use our potential then leads to our actions. If we have empowering beliefs that help us see our full potential with power, then our actions will be productive.
However if we are operating on limiting beliefs that keep us feeling power-less, our actions will either be self-destructive, or our inaction will lead us to keep entrenched in the ruts we have so carefully carved for ourselves.
The results of our actions lead to either poverty or prosperity. We can actually be experiencing prosperity in one area of our lives, such as financial but be completely poverty stricken in our physical body or our relationships.
For example suppose a person is operation on the belief that “I will never be good enough” That belief creates a feeling of powerlessness over any circumstance and can lead directly to victim mentality. The cycle then leads the person to either do self-destructive things such as drugs, alcohol, sexual promiscuity or any number of other ways to prove that their belief system is correct including doing nothing at all to change any of the circumstances. The results are always in accordance with the original core belief.
The brain then seeks for a witness that the core belief is correct. So when the results of the belief that I will never be good enough reflect poverty, it’s like the brain says…told you so…I am worth less and can never be good enough…and so the cycle continues.
I have had the privilege of working with someone I care deeply about. He has been going through some very challenging times and is very committed to healing. We have had several breakthroughs in finding out what his core beliefs are and have had some sweet experiences as he has remembered who he truly is and has told himself the truth.
The other day he knew something very big had come up and once again sought some input from me. As we visited the answers he was seeking seemed a bit elusive until I went and got a mirror.
I asked him to look at his eyes and tell his image that he was good enough. His eyes filled with tears and he looked away. He just could not bring himself to say those words because for so long he had felt inadequate.
There was no convincing him otherwise, so I put the mirror down on the floor and asked him what he would have to do in order to step from the land of “notgoodenough” into the land of “goodenough”. As he thought about it, the list could go on forever because if the belief is I will never be good enough, then guess what? Nothing you ever do can change that.
I suggested that he just decide to step into a new land of limitless possibilities by changing his belief to I am ok just as I am. That doesn’t mean a person can’t continue to grow and change and expand. It just gives permission to shift the belief cycle into one that will create productive action and prosperity.
It is just a choice. It was interesting to see him hesitate to just step over what was really an imaginary line. But finally he built up his courage, took a big breath, and said “I AM GOOD ENOUGH!!!” and stepped across the line. I gave him a big hug and welcomed him into a whole new arena of possibilities and suggested that once he was accepted as a residence of this land, he never had to leave if he didn’t want to. But if he ever decided to go hang out in the land of “notgoodenough” again…he could choose how long to visit.
We all are beings with limitless possibilities. Be courageous to choose to live in the land of “Goodenough” with my friend Concetta. It is a wonderful place to take up permanent residence.
By the way, the reason I started writing again is because even though I am going back to school in the fall to study writing and communications, I am already good enough to share my little ramblings on this blog.
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009
The Truth Will Set You Free
One of the visions I had of what my life would be like as I truly lived in alignment with who I am and what I am here for is that I am connected at spirit level on both sides of the veil.
This has been a real challenge for me in the past because in the past my pattern has been to disconnect from people and mentally and emotionally check out and live pretty much a life of solitude.
I guess it was some kind of survival mechanism. But to be honest, it just doesn’t seem to be serving me very well anymore and I was getting rather lonely.
So I made a decision to reach out and connect again.
The response has been almost overwhelming as I have made connections at spirit level with many, many people
Here is one response I got.
“As I read over your post about the Soul Purpose intensive I feel spirit and energy all over. I'm still learning what that means when I feel that sensation, so I'm assuming it means it was a great benefit to you, it was filled with truth, or it had the sanction of the Holy Spirit,
Another friend sent me a post telling me how grateful she was I had decided to stick around.
I just said "ME TOO!!"
Much of the day has been spent in correspondence with a dear friend who knew Jeff and asked if she could read my manuscript and help with the editing. It has been very sweet to share these things with her and feel the enthusiasm she has about my writing.
I guess all this really got me pondering on how grateful I am that I didn’t check out early and decided to stay around to help prepare the earth for that which is to come..
Then my thoughts wandered where they often do, to my husband and I wondered if he felt like he fulfilled the measure of his creation or if he checked out early. Then as soon as I thought that another thought entered.
I finished the manuscript of Victory Over the Darkness at least 8 years ago. I knew it would have an impact, but I was not willing to do what it would take to get it published because of my own insecurities and my wanting to protect my husband.
He had encouraged me to do whatever I felt was necessary and gave me permission as long as he could be the one to do the final reading.
In the writing process I read every chapter to him to get his feedback and see if my memories matched what he remembered.
We had actually thought about doing a she said/he said type of format thus getting the same story from both perspectives. I’m sure his would have been much different than mine.
But alas that was not the case.
So here is the thought that came to me as I was pondering on whether or not he finished his mission. What if he was willing to face an incredible challenge and even sacrifice his life so that the truth could be told. What if that was his mission and he did exactly what he said he would do.
It really made me ponder and even more determined to get this story out so that his sacrifice wouldn’t be in vain.
I don’t know if that is the reality or not, but it does make a person ponder on what we might have agreed to do, or even asked to experience in this physical realm. One thing that I truly learned at the intensive was that no one’s purpose is better than or less than another. Each person is magnificent as they stand true to themselves.
I read a great quote on facebook.
It said Know the Truth of who you are, That is the Truth that will set you free.
I loved it. Honestly I feel freer now than I have felt for a very long time.
I like it.
I invite others to explore and invite that same freedom into your life.
Christine
I am a passionate, powerful, playful princess
God's love shines brilliantly through me thus illuminating His perfect path of peace
And so it is.
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Saturday, April 25, 2009
Miracle of the Roses
I love reporting on miracles. They still occur.
This week has been very intense for me. Last fall my niece attended a workshop called "Awakening Soul Purpose" and has not been able to stop talking about it since then. When I first heard about it I definitely felt the stirrings in my heart telling me that this was something to pay attention to and I would know when the right time was.
I have to admit that the last few weeks I have been feeling somewhat lost, knowing that there was something I was supposed to be doing, but not exactly sure what it was. So when I got the invitation from Rossanne to go to the workshop in Salt Lake, I jumped at the chance.
On Tuesday as I was driving to Utah my mind was reflecting on many things and I was totally filled with gratitude. It was just one year ago that I went to bed and received a very personal message that if I did not go the hospital the next day, I would have a heart attack and die.
I didn't do any blogging at all last year because I was not in very good shape. My body was refusing nourishment and was shutting down. For months I had been barely able to function at all. It was a very difficult challenge for someone as active as me to have absolutely no strength or energy and to do nothing but lay around for days, weeks, and months on end.
So when I got the message that I could have a heart attack instead of slowly starving to death my first thought was, "oh that would be such an easy out, let me think about it for awhile." I then got a second message "and it would be ok if you did, you are totally prepared and you would be welcomed home". I have to admit that the thought of joining Jeff and Emily was very appealing and I did consider it. I knew that it really was my choice. If I did nothing, the results would end the problems I was having with this practice body of mine and I could go home.
As I pondered on the possibilities I thought of my children that were still here and realized that as appealing as the other option was I really did not want to put my family through one more death because they deserve to have at least one living parent. I also acknowledged that there was still more for me to do and that I am not a quitter.
So the next morning I had Jason take me to the emergency room for what I thought was going to be just a quick rehydration. Instead they admitted me to the hospital and put me in ICU and kept me on a heart monitor for 24 hours because my potassium levels were so low.
I was in the hospital for 10 days. I would love to say that from that point on I began to get better, but alas, that was not so.
I will tell the rest of the story on another blog because that isn't my purpose for writing tonight.
It was more that I was reflecting on where I was a year ago and where I am now. My heart was so full of gratitude. As my mind was caught up in these sweet thoughts, my attention was drawn to something that was playing on the radio. The words "even though we're apart, I'm sending roses from my heart" grabbed my attention and my heart skipped a beat and started doing the little pitter patter thing it always did when I would receive and unexpected gift from Jeff. Then the tears started falling as I remembered that the date was April 21. It was 30 years ago that we sealed our love across the marriage altar. In all my busyiness of preparing for my trip I had totally forgotten it was my anniversary.
As I always do on my anniversary I reflect on memories of past anniversaries especially the one 22 years ago. It was a very painful day because Jeff and I had separated. He was living in Seattle and I was living in Spokane trying to decide whether or not to continue to do the work it would take to make our marriage last. I had told Jeff I only had a small glimmer of hope that I clung too.
On our anniversary, he sent me a dozen roses. 11 red ones and one white one right in the middle. There was a note attached saying that the white one represented my glimmer of hope.
It was so sweet. I sent him a thank you note with the message that his gesture alone made my little glimmer of hope burst forth in brilliance and somehow I knew that we would make it.
Every year after that our anniversary was truly a celebration of our love and determination to create an eternal relationship. Almost every year Jeff would give me a mixture of red and white roses.
As I heard the words to this song and realized the significance of yet another miracle with Jeff, the gratitude that I had been feeling earlier intensified. I probably should have pulled over because the tears were falling so hard and fast I couldn't see very well.
Instead I just kept driving and allowed myself just to bask in the warmth of a love that is truly eternal. Even if he is not here on the physical realm we are still connected. I can't guarantee that I am done with the whole grieving process. I loved the roses he sent in the only way he could, but I would not be honest if I didn't also admit that even though I am doing much better than I have, I still miss him like crazy.
I have no doubt that I made the right decision in not checking out last year because I know I still have a purpose for being here.
Tomorrow I will write more about the experience I had at Soul Purpose Intensive and why I am absolutely determined to follow thru with what I know I am supposed to do.
Thanks for reading my little ramblings.
Chris
If you would like to email me directly: trueyouchris@gmail.com